Sunday, October 28, 2007

omgz... not now!!! Lotsa musical inspiration FLOWING.. Its like a waterfall now.. arghh.. never in my life am i experiencing such flow of energy.. I need to pickup any of my instruments and practice something... Everything is itching and lots of techniques and songs and rhythms and practices just flowing in and outta my head.. ARhghhhh.... I wanna go back for lessons liao T.T ..... i miss learning in a way..=p . AHHHHHH WHY NOW... Why didn't his happen long ago when i had all the free time in the world.. and of all times NOW.... When i have all the hell time...... NOOOOo

Tomorrow its Maths and English... GOD SAVE ME..... If i fail any of these or i don't do well for O levels.. i'm left with 1 option and thats to do Music and music alone... Thats my resolve.. Of cos unless if theres something else better i would consider that option but as of now ya.. OMG... i soo wanna go back for lesson... everyone all so updated.. i feel like a parchment in the Archive section.. Nooooooooo =p.... Sians.... Maths so stress... die liaoz..

Cya all my fan readers =p....

Posted by wJ at 7:00 PM

Photo Sharing


cool how flashy this is.. ha NOT..

Posted by wJ at 6:39 PM

Sunday, October 21, 2007

just some after thoughts....

people used to say, I am silly to do silly things.. I'm easily deceived by anything and i'm very naive.. I'm too nice and definitely far too nice to my best friend (=p) i guess it's just me... i just want everyone to be happy.. I'll do anything to make them happy.. Even if i can't? i'll still try my best.. Haha fancy me reminiscing the past... come to think of it.. i think 13-15yrs old of life was probably the best time of my life.. I had friends i never had before and they still are my friends after 3?4? years??? Usually nothing lasts longer than 1 year or 8 months to be exact. Somehow i just feel an urge to thank all my friends for being with me all this while.. during the fun/happy times & the times where i'm just sad and everything & also when i'm sick and in great pain.. I still remember someone was woken up by me around 1+??? because i felt like i was gonna die.. haha... =p....

Perhaps i'll never forget these memories.. the times where i don't know why.. life was so "green" and everything wouldn't taste nice without vinegar. Ha! Foolish me, to think so foolishly.. No wonder i'm always so nice =p.. Yet i'm so glad that I have friends to protect me and advice me against being bullied or taken advantage of.. Why am i writing these?? i totally dunno.. but it makes me just so happy yet i'm tearing away.. haha..

I also remembered my 1st time making a friend that requires lots of trust and hopefully will last.. of cos it did (i think =p).. I remembered when I just didn't know what to say and i was too scared to say anything ( cos i've nvr done this b4 and i'm supposedly a loner ) i ended up saying something rather off course yet you kinda understood what i meant.. Haa!! lucky me.. =p.. There was also the times when I thought I was ignored and I did silly things to prove I am.. and i would cry away on the phone thinking I really must be so horrible that i'm being ignored by my friend..

To me best fren, haha i dunno if you would still remember the long process of emptying my "bottles" of sadness in the middle of the night where I'm too tired to be afraid to say anything or too tired to think thus blurt everything out at nic's house.. It's still not fair... You've been helping me all this while and i barely got chances to help you back =p... even though being your part time butler was temporary but i doubt that filled up what u did for me.. it's like soooooo much that i probably owe u a billion favours.. =p And you also kept me at your place when I ran away from home for that erm.. 4 days?? =p

To nic, if u actually read me blog in e 1st place.. Thanks for everything these 3-4years... All the kind hospitality of letting me host stayovers at your place and parties at your place (even though they all had an interior motive Hahahaha).. And you've also paid for almost everything i wanted.. LAN,Arcade,Food,Etc etc... And definitely all the taxis!! =p.... not to worry.. i'll save up and one day.. one day i'll bring you somewhere nice and we can have a fantastic meal. =)

To Xueqi, haha I really dunno how to say this but thanks for everything you did.. You were there for me when no one else could.. you didn't feel like i was using you but this is all because we're friends and friends are always there for each other.. Not to worry.. if anything goes wrong i'll be there for you also!! =) haha.. i'm so crazy now i wish there was someone to talk to on MSN to talk about this craziness..haha.. Jia You o..

So i guess you 3 are the greatest people in my life already.. No one ever made me feel so happy being here right now before.. Ok so maybe I tried being not a part time butler anymore or i tried not being so friendly/nice anymore but well... i think thats dumb.. i should do what makes me happy to make my friends happy too =) so don't mind me if i go back to how things used to look like.. i like it that way.. life was so much more fun and easier.. =) of course please don't make me feel like an idiot saying all these and for trying to be who i used to be =p.. your encouragement would be the best thing i wanna hear right now =p... I am a Charming Guy recovering from an eternity of loneliness and sadness and pain. =)

hmmmm come to think of it... i don't know how to put sam as.. =p... friend??? teacher???? hes like both so it's like sooooo hard to... ya... nvm i dunno what to say. =p.... but well it's great, he cares for us, worries about how we're improving after lesson is taught, thinks about our studies, encourages us, and had the fun crazy times with us, and not to forget all the lovely nice treats/discounts he gave us when he brought us out to eat.. =p...

You know what?? I'm sooo looking forward to seeing everybody again after O levels... Screw isolation, screw loneliness.. it doesn't belong in me.. Like someone always said.. We're humans and humans were meant to interact with each other.. =p.. not to worry i'll never forget anything u said to me.. fact is i still remember everything you said to me since i was 13 =p.. haaaa.... dunno why but they are easier to remember than 9X9...

I guess this might be the moment my friends have been waiting for.. the time where i'm all smiles again.. and probably their wish is that this isn't going to last for 1-2 days only but hopefully forever =p... or at least thats what i hope to think it is.. (if not i fail as friend liao, cannot read mind or foresight them =p)

"without fail, the horse carriage will turn into a pumpkin at midnight"
"Family settings like "Daddy" and "Mommy"...must the lord's magic spell to prevent our(a group of friends) current relationship from breaking up."
"But...someday...there's a possibility it'll turn back into a yucky pumpkin..."

Kaoru Hitachin

Posted by wJ at 11:05 PM

ok... enough of all the boring crap...

O levels.. its just 3 days or 2 to be exact cos today is almost gone.. and 23 more days till i Complete O levels.. wowz... how fun... Looking forward to a almost everlasting fun time.. Anyways.. zomgz.. i'm a drama addict again!! WRONG TIMING!!!.. i'm juggling between my Chemistry (WHICH I SO MUST STUDY BTW -no sarcasm-) and Corner with Love... omg.. wrong time to watch drama... cannot become addict now... Must study study its just 23 more days. I'm gonna make it and be a survivor.. =) hopefully i can win 1 million US dollars too =p... (retard)

ok so anyways summary of much of the previous posts?
people do stupid things and whats done is done... you can only change the future but not the past.. so would you stand there and gaze at the past or move on and remember the past good times?

So thats enuff of stupid doings coming from me now on I hope. The phase of sheer stupidity should end...

The saying of, Born into an environment of more suffering than average is a benefit to allow yourself to understand more of those who are suffering.

"handsome men cannot get hurt by water"
Temaki Suou

Posted by wJ at 2:37 PM

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

i did very stupid things today.. soo very stupid that i regret it and am unable to get over it.. i made my little worth life now worthless.. i can't believe that now i have a mark to feel/look at to remind me how stupid i am.. An injury i don't know will last how long, i never want to do what i did again.. i don't even know why i did it but i totally regret it. I was no different from a tissue.. use and throw.. is that how i should value my life? to be used in a way that i regret? now that it has come to here, i realli think.. if nothing changed b4 i wouldn't be in this state.. Why did i choose to be the loner and self adventurer which led to my on cause of death.. I cannot even begin how regretful i am of my actions.. I guess my meaning in life is pretty much over as it is now.. No one would wanna even look at me anymore.. I'm really... a toy..

Posted by wJ at 12:09 AM

Sunday, October 14, 2007

you can call this random or just plain stupid





Are you still thinking about your ex?

Here is the analysis:

Your ex clearly broke your heart and you haven't yet moved on. Remember that time heals all sorrows, so look positively towards the future. Don't be blinded to the love that might be surrounding you right now.

How well do you get along with others?

Here is the analysis:

You truly believe in friendship. You get along well with others, and those who are around you are happy to be with you, too. You love to be surrounded by friends and you'll do anything you can to help them without expecting anything in return. When your friends are smiling, you're as happy as you can be.

What's on your mind?

Here is the analysis:

You'll drop everything to be with the partner of your dreams, and you'll give their sentimental presents rather than expensive ones. Nevertheless, your spontaneous nature does have a limit, and when the romance is over, you'll head back to work to pick up the pieces.

What does being a friend really mean to you?

You value your friendships: 75%

You love your friends very much - so much so that it's actually quite a worry. You may not be able to cope very well when you do lose somebody's friendship. You are a very sensitive and fragile person, and are therefore likely to get upset easily. You care for your friends and are willing to do anything that they ask you to do. Sometimes this can make your friends think that you are a bit of a nuisance. Nevertheless, people do really love you because your highest priority is your friends.

Jealousy Test

Jealousy Level: 55%

You are a jealous person but you try not to let it show

You often get very jealous of others but you are successful at controlling your emotions publicly. When you feel that other people are winning things that you deserve, you get very upset, but you won't hurt anybody else by making a scene. Your jealousy is private. You might, for example, cry yourself to sleep at night when you get really jealous of someone.


How deep is your love?

Depth: 73%

You have him in a corner of your heart. Don't lie to yourself; he's your special guy. Take good care of your heart. You still have a long way to go. Always remember that love has two edges. Being apart for a while might be a good chance to proof his love to you.


Posted by wJ at 12:05 AM

Friday, October 12, 2007

Get to know yourself better

Your view on yourself:

Other people find you very interesting, but you are really hiding your true self. Your friends love you because you are a good listener. They'll probably still love you if you learn to be yourself with them.

The type of girlfriend/boyfriend you are looking for:

You are not looking merely for a girl/boyfriend - you are looking for your life partner. Perhaps you should be more open-minded about who you spend time with. The person you are looking for might hide their charm under their exterior.

Your readiness to commit to a relationship:

You prefer to get to know a person very well before deciding whether you will commit to the relationship.

The seriousness of your love:

You are very serious about relationships and aren't interested in wasting time with people you don't really like. If you meet the right person, you will fall deeply and beautifully in love.

Your views on education

You may not like to study but you have many practical ideas. You listen to your own instincts and tend to follow your heart, so you will probably end up with an unusual job.

The right job for you:

You have plenty of dream jobs but have little chance of doing any of them if you don't focus on something in particular. You need to choose something and go for it to be happy and achieve success.

How do you view success:

You are confident that you will be successful in your chosen career and nothing will stop you from trying.

What are you most afraid of:

You are afraid of things that you cannot control. Sometimes you show your anger to cover up how you feel.

Who is your true self:

You like privacy very much because you enjoy spending time with your own thoughts. You like to disappear when you cannot find solutions to your own problems, but you would feel better if you learned to share your thoughts with a person you trust.

Posted by wJ at 7:25 PM

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

They ask, who is the most important person to you.. I don't know how to answer that question.. Perhaps I still have an answer but does it matter? The story of a servant and the served.. So what.. it's only a story.. and certainly fiction.. who'd ever believe in such naivety of life.

After reading a passage/story/book.. I come to wonder.. who am I? am I who I'm suppose to be, or who I'm naturally are. Yet dumbfounded by this and another.. It comes down to.. what am i? An accident? A failed experiment? I don't even know why I am who I am. It just sucks, to be lost to yourself. the mixtures of Ts and As. If everything was created perfect in a sense, why do i feel i wasn't created but spawned. Am i simply just a sick joke? God must hate me.. to actually see this day.. All darkness falls, rejects will forever be by themselves, who would reach for a reject. It's not natural.. Perhaps that's life for me, start a reject and end a reject. Rejects have no choice, no life, no will.. They live off other people as a sustenance of living, they live off other people's words and expression.. Nothing else could suit them because society was not made for rejects.

Delusional to self pain.. and hallucination of a better future... the cruelty imposed upon.. probably beyond understandings. Time won't tell, neither would hearts. It was never meant to be.. Just to be erased by time and flow with the ashes into nothingness, and forgotten forever.. No trace of existence nor a glimpse of memories.. Erased from everything because that's how it all works..

Posted by wJ at 10:32 PM

Tuesday, October 9, 2007

jeez... theres really just only 14 more days till O levels and i'm still pretty much in la-la land.. hmm.... not a very smart thing to do but yea.. trying to work harder guess i'm just in the midsts of it only.. oh wells.. 2 more weeks and 5-6more weeks till YES!!! ITS OVER!!!... but... darn.. to stress to even think whats going to happen in 2 more weeks time.. i'll faint, die from poison or die from blood loss or probably die from self insanity. =) What a hectic world.

Posted by wJ at 8:43 PM

Sunday, October 7, 2007

Why am i always portrayed as your toy? You were probably not the 1st person I want to know yet you put yourself in between the lines.. What do you think you were doing...
___________________________________________________________________


Cold? Warm?
Dark? Bright?
Sweet? Sour?
Tears of Sorrow? Tears of Joy?
Liberation? Loneliness?
Admiration? Jealousy?

Why life full of contradictory.. everyday of mine becomes a mere lottery.. They say the best cure is talk about it, yet.. I can't think of anyone I want to pour this troublesome senselessness to. besides I'm not looking forward to getting lectured about it neither. Live in shadows than face reality huh? Coward? or simply protecting myself?.. The un-understandable, the misunderstood. Nothing changes i suppose, perhaps it felt like it has yet it feels like it hasn't. so what on earth is really happening.. Chalet coming soon, somehow thinking about it thinking of what am i gonna do.. yet, also thinking should i even show myself. Anyways... its only a few more days to Os.. Once i'm done... who knows what kind of future lies ahead... every phase is different, we just got to live through to see the next.

Forever alone with myself.. Nothing changes.. nothing might.. or... nothing will...

Posted by wJ at 3:07 PM

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Amazing or perhaps even something new.. Was suppose to have History Mock Exam today but I didn't really prepare well for it and since yesterday's Maths Mock Exam was optional... so i thought it applies the same for this... Happens so it doesn't... so I was noted down as playing truant (WOW) for going to the library to study and not going to the hall to take DChiam's paper.. wowz.. what retardedness.. I mean if you didn't prepare well and go into the hall and do shit, your teacher kpkbs u... and if you don't go and take the paper at all.. your teacher still kpkbs you... so whats the diff..

Just the same ol stuffs happens at home again.. Mum got so angry/disappointed/(god noes wad) that i didn't take my History Mock Exam even though i did study my History.. so she starts yapping about how it's my business whether i want to study or not, she not gonna see what happens in future nor is she gonna care whether i study or not anymore (repeated probably many times since the months before)... Thus it makes it painstakingly irritating.. no wonder i'm so happy!

Anyways... can't be bothered much about anything anymore... Just got to wait till exams come and go.. And i'm not gonna listen to any more shit around anymore... I'm liberated from my duties as a Secondary Student and i wish no longer to relive such a painful horrible phase of my life.. Nothing ever turns better everything just piles to make life shit..

Posted by wJ at 3:47 PM