Saturday, December 1, 2007
So envious... hah... crazy...
anyways.. swore i missed a few heartbeats today and almost lost blood circulation and fainted at Food Junction -_-..and sitting at the playground with the cold winter winds blowing at me ain't helping me stop from shaking with sheer fear.. -_-.. today was probably one of those days where i just feel so useless and probably everything began because i'm the element of all chaos.. just like what those who "peered" into me feel.. I am the reason why things never turn out good when i'm around.. could it be i really carry the blood of evil?.. Perhaps when my eye turned red again it was a premonition something bad was going to happen.. if i had known better... maybe i couldjust be talking trash.. but i realli think that thats it.. i probably am the element of chaos... nothing nice really ever happens when i'm around.. so i guess today was also my fault... or its probably better that way.. i can bear it all.. no one needs to turn unhappy because of me.. i don't evn know what i'm talking.. i'm insanely feeling like i'm talking to mysel through this blog.. -_-... THe sorm is brewing and i feel the rain coming.. the light drizzles of tears from heaven.. I think i'm talking to much nonsense but this is whats going in my head... a mixture of nonsense.. lots and lots of it.. it never never ends.. i can't control it nor can i stop it.. the voices of nonsense spinning.. in fact it still is.. full of questions and sadness.. but its okay.. i don't really want anybody to come to understand this because its difficult and it problematic.. its a vicious cycle that never ends.. hopefully i'll break free one day.. I sit in a corner typing away on my computer, i must be doing stupid things -_-.. why can't my days always be happy the way i pictured them to be.. they always follow the picture in my mind to an extent of 45%.. good things come good things go.. bad things come but sometimes never go.. the bitter misery kept inside one who can't control it all yet tries to silence it.. a joke.. I really don't know what to feel for this week.. it was sort of happy yet sad yet annoying yet i duno. its just like "rojak" a mixture of everything.. i'm always in mixtures of everything. tossed and turned in different ways. i want to talk yet i don't want to.. stupid it can get... i got too much loaded in me.. what could really be the best way to remove all these.. i'm tired of listening to myself already.. is there a way to mute my inner thoughts.. a way to stop this throbbing headache.. my mind is unclear and fuzzy.. i think i just need more sleep.. but that becomes a cycle.. the more i sleep the more i dream.. the more i think life ain't it.. darn.. this is bad for my mental health. i'm going crazy..
Anyways. haha today today today.. really no coment.. still shaking from the inside about what happened.. of cos me being the best at concealing my feelings (ok maybe that was exaggerattion) so nobody knows whats really going on. somehow i feel its better that way, nobody has to feel troubled,worried for me.. cos they don't know whats going on.. yea it should be better. looking forward to a beter tomorrow.. an ideal i should keep everyday..
ahh well.. i guess that was all mythoughtless spamming for now i suppose.. typing without thinking what i'm typing just following the flow my fingers are going with my thoughts.. and have i mentioed how cold the winter wind is.. i wanna snug up in my bed liao. hahaha i miss my dicey.. =p.. i'm obssesed over my dicey.. and i think someone knows why.. ok thats creepy.. i must keep low profile for such things =p.. yet i'm talking aimlessly and brainlessly.. haha. HEADACHE!!!... Caution.. try not to make me think =).. i think my head is going to break... i want morphine.. i want panadol.. i want glass of water.. and i want my dicey.. =p.. MINE. =p. crazy.. hahhha.. understanding is not an action is it?? lost..
by all and all i guess i should keep things the way they are.. not to interrupt whatever is happening around me.. alrite.. time to put up "smiles" for the wolrd while bearing my HEADACHE and the spammage of nonsense going in and out of my mind. maybe should see doctor for stress pills. hahaha.. am i stressed?? could that be it?? hopefully not cos i don't think i should be stressed during my vacation. yea... free my $mind.. free my mind and that probably might just stop my headache.. yea.. happy tomorrow i hope..
Posted by wJ at 11:41 PM