Monday, December 24, 2007
Today nothing much really happened.. was happy in the morning but things soured up later.. had a big dinner today.. cos had guest.. and yea.. i think i might just wanna go out for a walk and hope it rains.. the pain of suffering in silence.. i dun want people to know because it's a trouble and it's not worth their time..
Its Christmas eve and i remember very clearly what happened last Christmas Eve.. somehow the same feeling came back on this very day.. i came across this thing called.. cast a spell for $4.. its through wicca also known as black magic.. i really want to use it to change things yet i don't want to because of some reasons.. why things turn out like this?? wasn't i happy and free just a week ago or so?? now i'm all over again.. i read the stars and the planets.. i felt happy seeing some yet not so after seeing some other.. i know this is just superstitious but it has been very handy in helping me recall who i am.. because everything described i am able to recollect memories of similar behavior when i was younger or now.. Taurus the star i was born under.. i hate life cos i don't want to live on yet i want to live but not like this..
what is it i lack that i want soo much.. why has it look like things have flipped.. i recall past relations with people.. apparently only 1 had something to think about.. because it was real.. the rest were mere play.. i don't know if i can accept next year coming.. i mean i can't stop it but i feel the winds are changing again.. something else bigger is going to happen next year.. and it might just be my darkest moment.. i feel it and i've visioned it.. am i suppose to find a solution now for later? or wait till it happens and think of something? or ignore it because it has yet to happen..
so i guess its my 2nd Christmas Eve like this.. alone with full of mystery.. to gain 1 u loose 1.. simple theory.. y can't i be more normal.. at least i know some things are for sure.. when i mean no i really mean no without doubt.. and i won't bother trying with it neither.. its like playing with fire.. and i got burned before.. highly unlikely i'll be silly enough to do it again.. i cannot control fire but i can control what i choose to do with it..
May my Sun and Moon look after me, my Cloud and Wind watch over me
Posted by wJ at 10:12 PM