Monday, March 3, 2008
hmm ok this is not related to the Taiwan story..
i had a dream a few days back.. it was so real.. it was so unexpected.. the event turned out so nicely i felt that warmth of joy.. and during that dream i had all the messages in my phone.. but in my dream i told myself none of this is real.. and i somehow abruptly rubbed off this dream and opened my eyes and check my phone and true enough it wasn't real.. because "your" number is lost and no longer with me.. "your" coldness made me let go during my youthful days.. but now i can't exactly say i regretted doing so.. even so.. i had a strong urge to contact you some way but i gave up remembering i tried that long enough..
anyways.. ha.. had meeting with my friends today.. haha.. glad for them they are all going to the different Polys and they know people in their school or course.. whereas for me.. haha.. i'm entering unknown grounds.. to begin off with.. i haven't even registered.. so well yes.. i must do it ASAP.. no more dragging!!. well i can't say much i just thought ha.. cause all i wanna say is practically the same thing.. just probably with a different source or person..
Now this topic comes to me quite frequently.. do I really want to do professional in Performing still..? i think i really lost that flame for it already.. now all i really want is to get into Lasalle and hope school term comes faster and i can start studying my Arts Management.. in fact i'm so excited to study it.. i keep wondering will I have a giant text book so i can read it and love reading it.. i got such a rush to study for Arts Management.. ha..
argh... tomorrow got lesson.. and must continue using that shadow teaching... i dun like it.. i disagree with it.. i beg to differ with it's theories.. i believe different methods have different effects on different players.. haha.. what a lousy excuse.. but i really prefer the normal human way of practicing.. after all it is human to make mistakes.. isn't it? how to prevent a mistake when you know what you're going to hit and you have a strong feeling for it but it fails you.. you can't just stop because you already felt all your energy and soul into that hit but it just failed you.. it just does.. so how do you then prevent it? assume you're going to be wrong? and just keep stopping?? hmmm probably just something my AcademicKnowledgeless mind cannot analyze..
i hope things go smooth tomorrow.. i really feel very sian going lessons these few months.. i feel i'm not doing much to make it better neither.. so what am i complaining.. -_-... inspiration only lasts for 1 day.. nothing more.. because it is followed by utter disappointment most of the time..
Perhaps i've been thinking too much lately.. a lot of questions popping at me reminding of everything that has been happening.. all those unhappy things that happened and i make silly excuses to make myself believe that it wasn't unhappy.. it was just something i believed i should do for the better of it.. stupid ain't i.. protect something/one else instead of myself.. though true enough i've become rather cold and quick tempered lately.. ha.. can be seen from my gaming mood.. i will kick anyone out of my team at any random point so as long as they provoke me long enough.. =X... all my friends always say.. "haha you lucky Ivan not host.. if not you're out of the game long ago liao.."
do i make the right decisions..? do i dedicate to the right people/things?
will i ever live blissful days?
Posted by wJ at 11:32 PM