Sunday, September 28, 2008

Here marks the end of my Term Break..

i think i miss holidays so much again.. even though i swear i remember complaining to EVERYONE that 10months holiday is a killer.. because i didn't know how to spend it efficiently, now that i do.. i feel sad not having that much time already.. haa.. always too late to regret.. looking forward till after Dec20 where i have my last 10 days of holiday... MY ONLY HOLIDAY for December.. so not cool rite? had a lot of thoughts again this holiday.. things i think i'll do in future.. or at least plan to.. i need to find myself a stable future.. and i think my current situation is sort of stable but is a retarded stable.. i don't know.. truth is i don't even know what i'll do in the future.. i can't really imagine myself doing anything in the future other than performing and shrugs* teaching?

anyway.. right.. all about holiday..

Monday onwards.. going by the day quite well i guess.. spending quality time with my laptop and pipa.. haha.. well i sorta do that everyday so hah...

Anyway yea.. the only interesting parts were going to British India seeing this really really really nice coat like shirt/coat whatever you call it, but i don't dare buy it partly cos its $100+ and i'm afraid it won't match with me... argh!!.. well ok la.. holidays spent quite ok.. was rather bored at first.. then i'll meet up xueqi once a while to eat or walk around...

We went to watch Mirrors after eating Suki Sushi Buffet... its not exactly scary but just gorey.. i was so scared... not of the movie but of entering.. haha.. cos its M18... but i still got through... EVEN THOUGH MY ID WAS CHECKED!!... haa..

School is starting tomorrow.. figured a lot of things... found back the composure i had..


RANDOM RANDOM TALK TALK BLA BLA BLA BLA BLA

hmm dunno what to say or how to say it in a way.. very indirect as usual... typical me..

lets put it like this..

sigh.. there used to be A... but it was like you know me being very stupid in a way... i don't know.. i didn't really feel much about it.. probably becos of my natural biasness.. then came B and C... well time went along... C is gone.. so its A and B now... its soo like i don't know.. distracting? confusing??? its like.. you can aways think of 1... but dream of the other.. -_-... ARGH!!!... i don't expect anything good coming from either la... i resent to fate liao.. like someone always says... "no fate.."

i had this awkwardly VERY VERY weird dream that nite.. i dreamt that someone i know suddenly went missing.. like wiped out from memory or existence... its like that person no longer exists... i got soo sad for some reason that i don't even know.. i freak out when i woke up.. i msged that person just to check.. thankfully got reply.. haa.. so weird rite..

really just rather irritating when people take advantage of your goodwill/naiveness.. i guess the general public will agree with me on this... i hate feeling like a post-it pad.. there to aid someone and then just torn and thrown into the bin.. true i'm not a easily sociable person if the relation between us is not close.. and rite ok thats my fault becos i'm not easy to understand because i'm very reserved.. i hold things back.. i keep quiet.. i choose to swallow things down and leave it.. and ok i can't deny.. i'm definitely not one person that can be very popular.. what am i good at? music and computer games? not rich, not cool, not very expressive... (hahaha my expression of "high" isn't very far from being normal with a faster pace of speech).. i dunno i DUNO!... like someone told me before... i always depend on people close enough to me to tune me... that makes me feel stupid at times when i think.. cos that just labels me as very dependant on people.. which makes me lack individualism.. and with that.. i sometimes tend to be very possesive.. which leads to jealousy..!!!.. wtheck.. ivan so complicated.. haa..

ohh my... Lee-Hom coming to singapore on NOVEMBER!!! i want to WATCH!... shit...

i think FRH coming on December rite? i dunno yet... but if they do. i wanna watch also. shiiiit.. haha.. >.<


Current Mood : "Cha-pa-lang" haa

aiyo tired already.. gd luck to all Promos people... its ending soon... some tomorrow some 2 weeks later haa.. jy jy.. hear from you all soon and catch up one day (=

BuhBye...

Currently Listening to : Mariah Carey - Bye Bye... (so dots right? hahaha.... not my fault.. its on a blog playing haaa...)

Posted by wJ at 11:59 PM

Sunday, September 21, 2008

Finally the Holidays

What a week this week was... spent my whole week rushing 5 research essays.. now i gotta prepare my thesis plan...

Monday, went for Rhythm Ensemble.. i overslept and luckily Andy was so nice to mark me present even though i was late.. i find that class a bore anyway.. oops.. then that was all for the day since Philip isn't back from Vietnam yet so there is no Keyboard class.

Tuesday, went to watch the Pop concert which left a lasting ringing in my ears and i think there was 1 group i don't think they were outstanding.. but more off, this is whatever Lasalle has left to show us.. then Choir was canceled cos Adrian was down with fever (maybe he had a fever after marking through our melody writing).. so lucky me, i haven't prepared my research presentation materials yet.. and as usual my CW group wanted to rehearse with me without notice again.. and wanted me to make a trip back to school at 7pm.. -_- which i didn't in the end..

Wednesday, woke up super early just to meet my group for last rehearsal, to find out.. we got 1 absentee and 1 late.. the usual people... i just gave up and said.. the lesser the better, lesser work to do and lesser people to manage.. so i'm quite glad that my 2 group mates can work with me quite while on piano.. This time i do something more extreme, something more outstanding.. Darren said i finally got out of my box and doing something more new & creative (that was such a insulting comment.. because i can do all these just that i can't because i have to blend with group) thats all i'm handling for Semester 1.. haa.. i'll do Juxtaposition, Ying/Yang, Fire for Sem 2..
then we were suppose to have Group Ensemble, but somehow haha grin*... Michael was sick also.. hmm haha.. wanted to just walk off and go home but then were forced to stay to listen to a talk at the evening by the Theatre Arts students who are doing this project of Hell inspired by Dante's Inferno.. and i was asked to join their crew because i'm a unique player playing pipa.. i turned it down cos the production was to be ready by November.. if it was next year i don't mind.. but not this year especially around this few months..

Thursday, another day full of texts.. Aural in the morning, History in the Noon.. Learning and Research following which.. luckily i managed to complete my research essays on wednesday nite and print them all out this morning and i kinda like looking at my reports.. haa.. a lot of people never do and got penalised.. some never print cos still not done.. so lunchtime the library was filled with Music students rushing their essays.. apparently 1 guy was the funniest.. he rushed to print in the middle of class at the time where the printing room is closed.. haa... gotta prepare Thesis planning liao.. and gather all my sources and research materials.. and produce them when i get back to school... what a taxing class.. ha

Friday.. Yoga.. i brought my mat down.. and ahh it feels soo much nicer lying on it than the dirty floor.. then had Theory... Adrian is back.. haha.. we did Baroque period and our sem exam is on Baroque and Classical.. whee.. did Analysis again.. on Vocals.. haha.. Messiah - George Fredric Handel.. then Gamelan...

Saturday, woke up and went back to sleep.. parents left for Vietnam in the morning.. then went to theory, then went Bedok with xq for dinner.. ate Kuay Chap.. and i'll never eat Kuay Chap there again.. not nice and the portions are so small..

Sunday, Melissa went Brunei this morning, then had mainstudy.. not good... this week barely practiced because of the stupid research thingy... next lesson i'll make sure its good.. (= then went KLP with xq.. British India having sale.. woo.. i got 3 things i wanna buy, Coat, Shirt, Shirt... the best price slashing i saw was $299 to $29.. OMG!!!... haha.. the coat will cost me $104.. but its soo nice..
ok finally did my groceries today, which was just 2 packets of soya milk and 1 cereal.. i wanted the Post - Maple Pecan Crunch but theres only Blueberry.. sighh.. should have bought it while at Clementi.. cheaper somore.

Looking forward to tomorrow

Posted by wJ at 11:34 PM

Sunday, September 14, 2008

Truth Unveiled?

well silence has its pros and cons...

feeling far too much bothered by matters that they are stored in little bottles with a cork stopper. apparently the cabinet is FULL.. so guess i should pour some moody liquid out today..

continue off from last post..

oh missed out.. ANNE is BACK!!. woo.. haha.. so nice.. bought us snacks... haha.. GREEN TEA MARSHMELLOW is like SOOO nice... Mint Chocolate also.. so is the Milk Chocolate..

Wednesday.. Wow.. i'm amazed the performance turned out quite well.. not very good but was still rather manageable.. in fact we were commended? haha. had Group Ensemble following which and we did R&B in a Gospel Christiany way... somehow our genres always very Christian like... followed gang to Clark Quay to accompany them till they go off to watch Love Labor's Lost.. and i intended to go NAC but oh well.. crossed office hours.. so headed to SAM to find xueqi and gang.. found my favourite drink Appletiser at DOME cafe... thats going to be my chill out zone.. haha.. and today is the mark of the day... i get to play Gigs.. thanks to my dear ol fren Xueqi.. hah Love U..

Thursday... . .. . . .nothing interesting and wish not to furthur talk about it.. the schedule is the same but the mood is completely different.. whatever~ went home.. totally sick and dead.. fell asleep at 9..

Friday.... ok la no point harping... nothing interesting.. got home and just played games... didn't had any mood to do my Journals that i haven't started.. at this point I am basically distracting myself from mood swings by playing Word Challenge.. waited for call since wednesday but it never came.. bye bye $60.. i wished you were here..

Saturday... SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER SUPER NO MOOD AT ALL.. at this stage... i have entered massive bitchy.. but of cos i locked myself at home so that i don't kill anyone by my massive attitude. went to theory in the evening.. then headed home.. TIRED..

Today.. well..quite a day i suppose.. lesson was good.. or at least better.. (= accompany dear Xueqi today.. then do crazy things.. then went TPY ate Mos Burger then chill sat chat stress and etc etc etc and decided to go ATTEMPT to shop.. hah.. saw this person at Body Shop whom i didn't see earlier on our 1st visit.. and OMG that person is "gorgeous!!!" .. haha.. then me being so nice took 26 with her till Kallang.. haha


Moody Liquid:

Well Seriously... if you had such a lame reason for not wanting to talk/befriend me then fine so be it... i'm no longer someone who'll cry over it.. i maybe vulnerable but definitely NOT weak.. i mean well it probably goes to show how much anything matters that i've done.. seems like it was nothing to you.. so i was probably just stupid then.. i can't even find words for the stupidity i did.. but ok true enough i can't deny that that period i managed to pull through with help..

Another matter.. sigh.. i think maybe i tried pursuing company.. subconsciously am at least.. just came to realise i dunid to make myself stupid and be someone i'm not just to fit with the world.. true enough i don't deny.. i am a person of many lies and many masks.. knowing me is probably something difficult because theres just layers of lies that i cover myself with.. and you'll probably never realise i'm lying.. "Easy to get, difficult to Handle".. probably takes at least 1 year to clear past the lies to reach the stage of masks.. and probably 0.5 year to pass that to knowing who i am.. Individualism is a concept and a practice.. Ivan don't be weak.. or probably i should say WeiJie..

Seriously just (*&# i'm already picturing what the next 2 days will look like.. and really seriously.. i want to care? but i can't find myself caring anymore... once or twice i don't bother.. but EVERY TIME is something i will DEFINITELY NOT TOLERATE.. at the end of the day.. i'm switching to Arts Management and not Music.. i don't lose out.. and base on individual assesment.. i don't lose out neither... know this blardy well... i'm there to put a patch on all your loopholes and cracked areas... if u wan me to stand out of cos i can.... but if i don't play by falling sick on that day? i don't think we'll get a good assesment for that day.. or at least i believe so.. not that i'm being a boast but i find it rather true.. and everyone knows that.. i admit.. i am a lousy musician when it comes to making chord progressions... thats my disability.. i cannot figure that out...

argh whatever.. Ivan is just freaking bitchy these few days.. so if you don't feel comfortable then back off..


Bitching off..

Posted by wJ at 11:00 PM

Tuesday, September 9, 2008

OMG HECTIC!!!!!!!

it is freaking Running...

Monday.. Oh my holy crap... was running around the whole day... we went to Ben's place in e morning to surprise with HAPPY TEACHERS' DAY!!... apparently we were to early... haa.. then after that i rushed down to school for rhythm ensemble.. which i was almost late for.. phew!. ok its boring or at least i find it.. its more on memory work.. and because i'm on the shaker.. all i do is.. 1234123412341234 yea.. then rot rot rot till Keyboard class that was suppose to last till 6? but i left halfway cos well.. i find myself in a very awkward position that i'm being OSTRACIZED as being good when i'm NOT... i go into class having 0 knowledge of what the CRAP he is talking.. so i rushed down to Sam's place for surprise of the day Number 2.. well wasn't as good as we had initially planned but oh well.. then we went for dinner and Ice-Cream.. and then headed for home..

Tuesday... our first lunch-time performance class.. basically just watching performances.. it was also a joint event to wish Mona Farewell as she leaves LASALLE.. the Theme was Classical.. was ok at first till it just drained my focus and i was like busy of thinking of like stuffs.. then Choir followed after, had a new song which is a-tonal.. generally just speaking, "Valse".. fun very... in a way i love choir a lot.. getting to sing.. something i like to do..

Wednesday CONVOCATION DAY.. but not for me.. because our lecturer is external thus class resumes.. not that we stayed very long.. after we were left alone to deal with our own devices we just left early.. since ATTENDANCE was NOT going to be marked.

Thursday was like OMG... droning.. generally thursday is the most academic day? it starts off with Aural class.. very fun.. and History.. interesting but generally tiring.. and i become the Archive to look for because all i do is stare at the screen in front and type away thus i'm never to slow to get down everything that is in front.. pretty amazed by how much i remember the keyboard that my fingers already memorized the movements to write words without looking at it.. its like a rhythm to it.. following which was Research and Critical writing.. was so much soother because the Librarian/Resourcer came to visit us and gave us a talk.. and gave us LOTS and Lots of information.. i love her.. she gave me lots of places to get journals on Arts Management.. that will help me a lot!!.. love u Malar

Friday, Yoga, seriously it injures me more than it helps.. of cos i managed to find myself being able to talk after the session after seemingly losing my voice in the morning... then had the MOST DRAMATIC THEORY CLASS EVA!!.. poor mel.. blacked out in class.. trust me the ambience there was like.. Oh My GOD!!... it was like EMERGENCY CODE RED!!! MOVE MOVE MOVE SCRAMBLE!!! it was double the shock when we heard the ambulance.. wish u good health yea mel? Afterwhich, theory was cancelled cos Adrain didn't feel like teaching anymore after that serie of event. Gamelan really just makes me sleep..

Saturday.. Oh god a Break day... took my time to rejuvinate myself before going to Theory. after Theory got home ate and fell asleep.. i'm dead tired..

Sunday had lesson which i myself find it better but not good enough.. i expected more from myself.. because i know what the concept is.. i know what i need to produce but i'm just not producing.. WHICH SERIOUSLY IRRITATES ME.. then i rushed to Sengkang to join Bryan for some Volunteer work for Yoga, "Karma".. Old Folks home.. i swear when i was at the gates.. i smelt the strong essence of Death..

Yesterday OMG... i swear to Heaven and Hell i want to kill my team mates.. "Where's your pipa? Why didn't you bring your pipa?" Its like HELLO!!?!?!?~~ why the $^*@ should i bring my pipa on a random day without notice.. and of the cos for $^%#'s sake i'm not going to rehearse with you.. so after rhythm ensemble i just went home..

Today was REALLY REALLY REALLY REALLY GETTING ON MY NERVES ALREADY... i went for the stupid rehearsal at 11am.. knowing that i'll probably be scammed again? i arrived at 11.40am to find only 2 people out of 4 present.. THANKS i feel so glad working with you guys.. and trust me.. the works made are like so predictable.. i took out my pipa and i started playing with them without even needing them to tell me their concept or idea behind this whole serie.. i know i shouldn't be like such a bitchy bitch with my classmates but seriosly.. its already freaking week 6... went for Lunch-time performance again today was Jazz.. then choir was the same.. but this time we had another group to work with to do a research.. my group was the Nazi-Movement.. and well someone took leadership.. someone i hope didn't.. and was bitching his way around.. of cos his retardedness and vision impairedness failed to realise NOBODY wants to follow HIS WAY.. "May i have ur attn please?" ignores and continue chatting* .. seems like everyone knows my attitude... its like ST looked at me and laughed cos i just rolled my eyes away hearing what the dear self-proclaimed leader/editor/collator has to say.. i was like.. I don't trust U to edit my work.. NO WAY.. then our beloved drummer came after choir.. and i was ASKED TO STAY BACK JUST FOR HIM?!?!?!? HELL NO WAY.. i walked off and went home..



PERSONAL SPACE:

I'M FREAKING SICK AND STRESSED AT E MOMENT.. I FEEL LIKE SCREAMING &#^$ down the road.. and wish i could murder people.. At the end of the day.. all i can say is.. IVAN... Watch yourself and don't let your attitude/character get out of hand..

Sometimes i dunno what to believe.. everything can be there just there for now.. few days down the road.. everything changed.. its no longer the same.. as much as i like things to be kept the way i liked it.. i also must accept the fact.. i'm not God.. things change and hopefully they change for the better.. Its ok.. Ivan will be fine... getting used to it.. Trust in time like i say.. trust in time..

i'm now just going to friggin pop panadols into my blackhole and hope miracle happens overnite.. or at least.. if not then just KILL ME bad enough that i can't get off bed..


Your Artsy Partsy Writer
Ivan/WeiJie.

Posted by wJ at 10:42 PM